Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Pride of Man

Best Line: "Those who put their faith in fire, in fire their faith shall be repaid."

Poor Joe Mattingly

It's Poor Joe, not for sympathy, but as an accurate description of Joe Mattingly's financial status after Vernon's lawyers get done with him.

The phrase I have in mind is, "Chew him up and spit him out."

Ate up by lawyers. 

It's a horrible fate, and there will be two sets of lawyers. Vernon's lawyers and the lawyers Joe will have to pay for out of his own pocket. It will be like two hungry dogs fighting over a pork chop, with Joe as the pork chop.

There is a price to pay for being a stupid bigot. The City of West Buechel will pay for Joe's mistakes, but Joe will pay even more  That's my prediction.

A single individual City Council member is nothing. Joe had no business supervising and bossing City employees. None.

When you talk to your lawyers, Joe, mention "under color of office" and "intentional interference with an employment relationship." and watch the beads of sweat break out.

When your lawyers sweat, Joe, you should sweat too. Do the math.

$18.00 per hour base pay
 $3.06  per hour CERS employer contribution (17%)
 $1.12  per hour FICA employer contribution  (6.2%)
 $5.77  per hour for health insurance
$27.95 per hour total pay and benefits

Including all benefits and contributions, Vernon was being paid $27,95 per hour by the City of West Buechel. That is $1,118.00 per week or $58,136 per year.

Vernon's birthday was yesterday. Happy birthday, Vernon. Vernon is 48 years old, with 17 years to go to age 65 and retirement.

$58,136 per year times 17 years equals $988,312.00. That is how much Joe Mattingly owes Vernon for getting Vernon fired just because he is black.

Poor Joe.

Rule No. 3 - How to keep a secret

It's really simple.

Rule No. 3 - How to keep a secret.


Monday, September 28, 2015

Rule No. 2

Rule No. 1 is: When the shit hits the fan, don't be there.

Rule No. 2 is: Price your work reasonably afforable, but do not work for free.

I need to focus more on Rule No. 2. I'm thinking, "Defending the Rule of Law Fund" as a way to be in compliance with my own regulatory requirements. Those are not my monkeys and this is not my circus. 

Law Notes: What means "conviction" in Kentucky?

For nurses. 

Kentucky state law requires licensed nurses to report criminal convictions to the Kentucky Board of Nursing (KBN) within ninety (90) days of the conviction KRS 314.109.

KRS Chapter 314.011(21) defines a conviction as the following:
  •  (a) An unvacated adjudication of guilt; 
  •  (b) Pleading no contest or nolo contender or entering an Alford plea; or 
  •  (c) Entering a guilty plea pursuant to a pretrial diversion order; Regardless of whether the penalty is rebated, suspended, or probated. 

It's just a beginning.

Laugh or cry? It's a tossup

The first police dog made Loy Crawford froth at the mouth last year, so I'm itching to find out Loy's reaction when he learns that the West Buechel Police Department now has two police dogs. The new dog in town is a Schnauzer drug dog, name unknown.

The new police dog probably doesn't cost the City as much as the first police dog, because pooch two is owned by the police officer who comes with him. Except there's something about federal law that requires paying the officer an extra hour a day for taking care of the dog.

I doubt such a law exists, but the mere desire to comply with the law counts for a lot in West Buechel, even if you get it wrong.

I'm leaning toward laughing, myself.

The joke is on you, West Buechel

As public dissatisfaction with the oddities of City Hall grows, please remember Section 150 of the Kentucky Constitution, which states, in part:

"All persons shall be excluded from office who have been, or shall hereafter be, convicted of a felony . . . . "

As a felon cannot be a Notary Public without the Governor's pardon, neither can a felon be Mayor.  

Also remember:
  1. "Excluded" is a verb. Action is required.
  2. A guilty plea counts as a conviction.

See: Woods v. Mills, 503 SW 2d 706 (Ky App 1974)

Saturday, September 26, 2015

West Buechel's credit card theatre of the absurd

After pitiful whining and moaning earlier this year about Sharon Fowler's misuse of City credit cards and incoming Mayor Richard's promise not to use credit cards any more, guess what. The credit card used by Sharon Fowler was cancelled. Almost immediately, since at least February, the City got a new credit card with Rick Richard's name on it.

The only difference is that this new credit card is a BIG SECRET. The City Council doesn't know about it.

How did I find out about this new BB&T credit card account number?

If I told you, you'd laugh your ass off and you need your ass, so I'm not telling.

It's for your own good. Trust me.


Its Saturday morning and cartoons these days are not what they used to be. I need something extra special after a whole week of bizarre twists and turns The kitten peeing on my computer keyboard was merely the least of the weirdness, but it turned out that me being at Walmart yesterday at just the right time was a Cosmic Necessity. I can't talk about it.

Thank you Zen Munchkin (kitten), Agent of Fate. Don't do it again. I took you off the streets, I can put you back there and we are heading into winter. Keep that thought in your little fur ball brain the next time you might consider peeing on my keyboard as a good idea.Think again.

The easy solution to my problem is something Scandinavian. 

My choices were between the 19th Century symphonic protest against press censorship by the oppressive Russian Empire (Finlandia by Finnish composer Jean Sibelius) or more pastry from Heitzman Bakery. I went with the pastry.

This is a Carmel Pecan Danish. It was picture perfect until I accidentally stucky my thumb in the icing.

You can't have any.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Scamtown Catalog of Earthly Delights

I have set myself the task of sampling every pastry, cake, donut, pie and cookie available at Heitzman's Bakery, one at a time. First I will photograph it. Then I will eat it. Following that, I will publish the picture here and add the image to an ever-expanding fully documented catalog of taste thrills.

I will do this once a week, or three times a week, maybe every day or I might even skip a week. However long it takes, it will been done to total completion . . . one of these days.

Here's the scam: It's a way to write off donuts as a tax deductible business expense.


Today: Cheese Danish.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Local preference

In the recent past, the City of West Biechel had hired its CPA from Indiana, its lawyer from LaGrange, its web designer from Prospect and its radio repair from Crestwood. The City's current Clerk-Treasurer buys her surety and notary bonds form an insurance broker in Arizona.

I think the City should have a policy of buying and hiring local, when possible.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

My horoscope for the week

Wow. My horoscope for the week starting today begins with this sentence..

"You are surrounded by unhinged maniacs whose incoherence is matched only by their self-delusion."


Must be talking about the cats.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The Cone of Silence


Is someone listening to your cell phone conversations and reading your text messages? Probably.

Is it the NSA?

Nope. The NSA doesn't give a damn about what you have to say. It's the juvenile delinquent down the street who is invading your privacy. 

"Stingray" is a brand name of the Harris Corporation for an electronic device that intercepts cell phone voice, text and data communications, including email. First, it was available only to law enforcement, and it was very expensive. Now, your next door electronics nerd can build one fairly inexpensively.

One site claims that a Do-It-Yourself cell phone catcher can be constructed for $20.

Five Attacks That Will Make You Shit Your Pants

It's illegal and merely possessing one of these devices will land you in jail . . . if you are caught.

See: Wikipedia - Stingray phone tracker

Comfortably Numb

A 50% failure rate

A fifty percent failure rate. Four months out of eight, late, at a cost of $4000 to the taxpayers of West Buechel. Unacceptable. Inexcusable.

An old fashioned treat

Amanda said the Dixie Highway Heitzman store (4749 Dixie Hwy) and goody factory does not normally deliver Chocolate Frosted Pull-Aparts. She told me that these were a very old fashioned type bakery product. Chocolate Frosted Pull-Aparts are cinnamon sweet rolls with chocolate frosting on top. She said they just showed up on her rack (Oh, stop it!! That's what she said.) unexpectedly.

So, she twisted my arm and I agreed to try one, and to force one on Carmen too.

Carmen's face lit up when she bit into one of those chocolate covered cinnamon sweet rolls. Mine tasted exactly like you'd expect a Heitzman chocolate covered anything would taste . . . way above average on the sweet decadence scale.

It didn't seem old fashioned to me, at all, since I never had one before. It seems all new and quite modern.

When I think of old fashioned foods, I think of tomato aspic or carrot salad.

Why are they called Chocolate Frosted Pull-Aparts?

1. The are covered in chocolate frosting.
2. You have to pull them apart.

It's too bad you can't have any yourself. That's just your tough luck. They don't make them very often.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Sunday, September 13, 2015

I'm hearing things

I've been hearing those City Hall clock bells again, off and on. The bells have been silent since May I first noticed them chiming again a few times on Friday. Carmen heard them at noon on Friday, Loy and I heard them at 3 PM and once later on Friday I heard the bells toll. I was aware of those bells (they are not really bells, it's all digital) once on Saturday.

What's the difference between a ten thousand dollar electronic clock bell system and a ten thousand dollar electric gate at the Community Center?

Simple question. I like the bells and there was no parade celebrating the gate.

See: 2012 West Buechel Clock Festival Parade

If you appreciate quality

If you appreciate quality and want the best, buy Heitzman cakes and pastries.

Best glazed donuts in town. Half price every day after 2 PM.

Amazingly delicious

Back by popular demand, it's officially called a Bacon Long John. I call it Amanda's Sweet and Salty Amazing Delight.

I was slack jawed and speechless when I first learned what it was. Once I tasted one, it became obvious. You can't go wrong with bacon. This is perfect for pre-breakfast, as a side to a full country breakfast, as second breakfast or a mid-morning boost. It is rocket fuel for the soul, with coffee.

Only at

Heitzman Bakery
3800 Shepherdsville Rd
West Buechel (Louisville) 40218

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Officers and K-9 honored for saving a life

LOUISVILLE, Ky (WHAS11) -- Three officers and their K-9 companion Max were honored Tuesday night for saving a life near the Bashford Manor Shopping Center off of Bardstown Road.
The officers who work for the West Buechel Police Department with Max were given the Life Saving Award by city council members for saving the life of a woman who was trying to commit suicide.
That woman ran and hid from officers behind the shopping center but the officers refused to give up. By deploying their police dog, they found the woman and saved her life.

August 18, 2015 Open Records Request

And the answer is?

As I pointed out in my Open Letter to Mayor Richards dated September 1, 2015 and posted to this blog on September 2nd, the General Fund I checking account had a balance of $1,533, 357.52 on December 31, 2014. 

In his June Budget Message, Mayor Richards stated that the City had $1,083, 915 Current Resources Available.

My question was, what happened to that $449,442.51 difference in five months? 

Mayor Richard's answer at last night's City Council meeting was that the City really has either $1,900.000.00 or $2,000,000.00 in the bank.

Nifty. Now Mayor Richard's June Budget Message is a cool million dollars wrong, give or take $100,000.

First, the question was why the City has $450k less money from January to June. Next the question is why the City has $900k more money from June to September. The January number is accurate. It is taken from a BB&T account statement. The June number is troublesome. The September number is preposterous and not credible. 

Personally, I trust Jesus and bank statements, but sometimes I have doubts about bank statements.

Monday, September 7, 2015

To the West Buechel City Council, an apology

I am very sorry I call you assholes, shitheads and The Seven Dwarves. That was rude of me and uncalled for. I apologize. Please forgive me. I was ticked off and I lost control.

I promise not to do it again.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Super Simple Monthly Money Report

The West Buechel City Council has the absolute right to receive this information every month.

The residents and taxpayers of West Buechel have the right to this information every month.

The Mayor and the Clerk-Treasurer have an absolute duty to provide this information.

It is basic money in / money out rough cut checkbook bookkeeping. It would take all of 15 or 20 minutes to prepare this report. All the information is taken directly from the monthly bank account statements, along with the ability to track cash receipts, cash deposits and to count cash on hand.

A reasonably intelligent monkey could be trained to do it.

Everyone loves Vernon

Well . . . almost everyone loves Vernon. The Troll of West Buechel doesn't love Vernon just because Vernon is black. The Troll doesn't like black folk. The Troll calls them the "N" word to their face when the Troll is feeling cranky. The rest of the time the Troll called Vernon "boy."

Vernon has been working for the City since 2012, and almost everyone loves Vernon.

So, why did Mayor Richards terminate Vernon's employment?

It might be because Vernon is black, the Troll doesn't like blacks and the Troll runs the Mayor. The Troll thinks HE is Mayor.

The trajectory of the present situation leads directly to the inside of a courtroom. I don't know what the going rate for jury awards is in these parts, but I expect to see Vernon driving a used black Lincoln Towncar before it's over.

This is just a prediction.

Firing Vernon for no good reason was a bad move. It will also be an expensive move for the City.

I also predict that the lies and behind-the-back slander will soon pop up about Vernon, saying he did stuff he didn't really do. 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Simple truths are hard, I guess

The simple truth about annual budgets comes from the purpose to know how taxpayer money is being spent.

So, when West Buechel's annual budget has a single line item "Office Utilities" that includes every gas and electric bill for City Hall, the Police Department, the TEM Building, the Community Center and all the street lights or parking lot lights, it does not fulfill the basic function.

The City has seven different LG&E accounts.
  • City Hall 1st floor
  • City Hall 2nd floor - Police Department
  • TEM Building
  • Community Center
  • Three different groups of outdoor lighting
 Why are they all lumped together into a single budget item along with the several different water bills?

 Would it not be smarter and better to separate the expenses for the different properties so you'd know, for example, exactly what it costs the City to own the TEM building whether it is being used or not? 

There is an "Insurance/Bonds" budget item in "Administrative" for more than $100,000. This includes all automobile casualty/liability insurance. The insurance for all police cars, public works trucks and the Community Center van are all lumped together in "Administrative," along with Worker's Compensation insurance for all employees.

How can you make well  informed business decisions when the basic cost data is so messed up?

It's not possible.

Monkey see, monkey do

The City budget format used by the Fowler administration was an offensive bad joke to high school accounting students everywhere. "Contract Labor" is not a Capital Outlay, for pity sake. Neither is the Buechel Festival.

No matter how you cut that cheese, contract labor and the Buechel Festival simply cannot be made to fit into the box that accountants label as "Capital Outlay."  These are merely two examples of Bookkeepers Gone Bad that prevailed in prior years.

So, what does the Richard's administration do with the many promises of correcting the errors of the past?

They do it exactly the same way that Fowler did it before . . . wrong.

If you get the budget categories wrong, you also get the financial statements wrong.

When you get the financial statements wrong, honest auditors freak out.

Or, you pay extra for a CPA that is willing to blow smoke.  West Buechel bought the smoke.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Today's Proverb

Show me a liar and I'll show you a thief.

Better than Kroger

Carmen is a very picky eater. I made her some grits this morning and she complained that those grits had a funny taste to them. I tasted them and, to me, they tasted like normal.

They tasted like nothing at all except salt and butter.

As far as I can tell, salt and butter is the only taste grits ever has, but to Carmen these grits tasted "funny."

OK . . . . fine.  Nobody can be asked to eat funny tasting grits, so we moved to some other options on the menu. Just yesterday I got one of those good looking cantaloupes Jeanie had grown in the Community Garden. I offered half of that cantaloupe to Carmen and, sure, she'd give it a shot. Cantaloupes are good and anything would be better then funny tasting grits.

Bingo! We have a winner!

Carmen was very please with that cantaloupe. She said it was better than any cantaloupe we ever bought from Kroger. Carmen was happy. When Carmen is happy, I am happy.

It will be a very good day today that starts off with Carmen being happy. I will forever be grateful for Jeanie's cantaloupes.

Please do not read anything into that statement that is not there to begin with. Here's pic of that cantaloupe,

Note to self: Uses for the Community Center

Hot dog! This really is the 21st Century.

Applications for unemployment benefits can be filed online. The Community Center has computers, Internet access, air conditioning and a coffee maker. What more do you need?

I think it would be very difficult to fill out an unemployment application online with only a smartphone.

I'll never know about that for sure, though. I am very old fashioned.

Telephones are for talking, I HATE telephones and I'll never, ever, buy a "smart" one.

Inside the Community Center

Parental photo permissions on file.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

An open letter to Mayor Richards

 I sent this letter to Mayor Richards more than 24 hours ago and, so far, not a peep in response. I could wait another 24 hours and hope for a freaking miracle, but I'm impatient these days, so here it is. I really don't expect an answer.

More questions that will never be answered

Monthly reports and payments to the Kentucky Retirement System must be made on or before the 10th of the following month. If they are late, there is a minimum $1,000 penalty.

I see West Buechel's payment for March was made on March, 23, thirteen days late. The May payment was not made until May, 26, more than two weeks late. June's payment was a close miss on the 12th that was merely 2 days late. I don't have information on the January, February, April, July or August payments.

That's at least $3,000 of taxpayer money flushed down the toilet for no reason other than gross sloppiness because of .  .  .  what?

There is no excuse. There is no justification. This should never happen, but you are not supposed to ever notice, and for pity sake, DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Economicalizing the audit expense efficiencies

Be wise.

Don't pay twice for the same thing.

The special audit examination of the Fowler administration's financial wingding goes through December 31, 2014, when she retired from public life forever. July1, 2014 through December 31, 2014 is exactly one-half of the City's 2014-2015 fiscal year.

Since the Kentucky Auditor of Public Accounts is already examining the financial records from that time period, and learning the quirkiness of West Buechel's government record keeping, it make no sense to hire anyone else to do the same thing all over again.

I say the State Auditor should also do the City's annual audit of financial statements.

What financial statements am I talking about? The ones that G*d will drop from the sky in about 30 days.

" . . . . each city shall, after the close of each fiscal year, cause each fund of the city to be audited by the Auditor of Public Accounts or a certified public accountant. . . . " KRS 91A.040(1)